just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
