Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize