I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
