Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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