im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
