its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
