you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
