we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
