I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
