Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
