nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
