I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
