You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
