Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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