I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
