Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
