A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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