His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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