...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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