If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
