i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
