i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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