don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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