maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
