And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
