I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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