i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
