You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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