im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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