FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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