My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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