I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
