Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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