You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
