Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
