he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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