he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
