i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
