i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
