Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize