I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
