How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
