i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
