So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
