Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
