If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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