I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
