Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
