Your tits are I can't wait for
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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