ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
