Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
