I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
