It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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