I hate all girls vehemently.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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