the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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