I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
