Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
