i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
