i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who died my cat blue again?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
