Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
