Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
