i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
