Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
