do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
