do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
