You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
