i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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