The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
